Tuesday, May 4th:
Not going to lie, feeling a little depressed today. But, as usual, Brandon knew just how to cheer me up. By the time he left for work, he had me laughing. I started this morning. And as I thought I would, I allowed myself to cry. Sure, I had been disappointed months before in the years we have been trying, but this one was different. Everything was going great! We finally got my body working like it is supposed to. Medicine was working and doctor was very pleased with results. So, I thought, this is it! And a part of me was hoping for a very early Mother's Day gift and birthday gift this year. But, now I am saying 3rd time is a charm. Brandon said he has good feelings about this next month. And once again, I have to remind myself, that at least I have a chance.....at least things seem to be working as they should. And most couples still have to wait almost a year to get that exciting news. But, my problem is, I don't have another year. I can't be on these drugs that long. So, 3rd time is a charm, right!?!? And if we have to, doc said we could go 4 months on the meds before going to next step. So, we still have a Plan!
Sat morning, May 29th:
So, I have been feeling funny the past few days, and of course was afraid I was overthinking every feeling my body had, but since I had 3 pregnancy tests in the bathroom cabinets, I thought why not? Well, at 4am, I had to pee, so I thought, ok, going to do it! I took a test. Taking all the wrapping off was so loud!! - I was afraid Brandon would come in and ask what I was doing. Not that I wouldn't tell him, but for some reason wanted this private moment. I guess a part of me felt funny for doing it, because come on now, the results are always negative, and my symptoms aren't that strong. So, pee on the stick (half asleep) and put it down to wait a few minutes. Stare at it constantly. Watch one line come up and wait to see if there will be a second. Wait, wait, wait. Ok, can't be pregnant because you hear people say the line shows right away. Wait, there is something appearing. Yes, it is a second line, but it is really faint. Frustrated, I throw the test in the trash, and go back to bed. I lay awake for a few minutes praying. God, please give me the strength. I know you have plans for me, and I trust you, but please give me the strength to know what to do. Go back to sleep. 6:30 am, alarm goes off. I know, crazy for a Sat morning, but Brandon is taking my car to be serviced and has an 8am appt across town. I love him by the way! He takes care of everything. While I was shopping after work yesterday, he was cutting the grass. As I type this blog, he is out getting my car serviced. Yup, I have a great man! He never complains. Ok, back to the reason for this post. So, I get up and just out of curiosity go pull the test from 4am out of the trash. Yup, still two lines, but one is a lot more faint than the other. Laugh. Brandon gives me confused look as he walks in bathroom. Yup, your wife took another pregnancy test. I know you say it is ok, and it isn't a waste of money to hope for something we really want, but I still think I should have waited until the missed period. I did buy the test that tells you 6 days before, and I am only 2 days before day 28. So, I show him the test. He says, look at the box and see what the faint line means. I read the instructions. ONE LINE MAY BE FAINTER THAN THE OTHER. Wow! Ok, so am I pregnant? Of course I am going to question it. I ask Brandon if I should take another test? He says do you have more? Yup, I have 2 more, because I planned ahead for my insecurity :) I take test #2. Same thing, 1st line right away, 2nd FAINT line appears about a minute or two later. Still confused. Leave both tests on the bathroom counter, and tell Brandon, we are not throwing these away. He says, well you threw the first one away. Yeah, because I thought I wasn't pregnant. Now, not sure. Come downstairs and go to computer to search about this type of test. Still confused. A faint line to some means, you are pregnant, just have low level of pregnancy hormone. Wait a few days. Yeah right! I am going to the store in a little while and buying some other type of tests. Maybe a digital one.
Digital result is PREGNANT!! I sent Brandon a text because he was still getting my car serviced, and he wrote back "SWEET....I LOVE YOU!"
So.....now I am scared! We might be pregnant, but we still have the miscarriage hurdle to get over, and a long road ahead. But, I can finally smile!! And now to make an appt with doctor for blood pregnancy test to make it official.
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