Sometimes you just gotta let go!

I was talking to my great-aunt (my deceased Nana's sister) on the phone today, and she is in the process of cleaning out the house she has lived in for over 50 years and moving into an apartment at a nearby retirement community. I had a business trip in New Jersey over the summer, and took advantage of work paying my way and was able to visit with Margie. While I was up there, she was just in the beginning stages of the move - she had put the down payment on the new apartment, and was starting to interview real-estate agents to sell the house. This has been a long and difficult process for this 88 year old woman. Well, I thought the hardest part was over, but now the hardest part is here. She has sold the house, moved into the new apartment, and is now going through the process of trying to weed through all of the stuff in her house. She closes at the end of this month, and so she doesn't have much more time left to go through and decide what to do with all the furniture, "nick-knacks", clothes, pictures and other memorabilia.

Margie and me - May 2006

While I know it must be painfully difficult to go through all the memories of your life and decide what is most important, I also do not understand why old people hold onto so much stuff! I can understand pictures and sentimental things such as that being important, but what is it with all the furniture, and every piece being so important. Sure, I enjoy some of the furniture in my house - the couch that I have fallen asleep on many a nights before dragging myself to bed (I am turning into my mother!) - the red recliner in my bedroom that used to belong to my Nana and every time I see it, I think of her rocking away. But, every piece?!? Honestly, I can't wait to get rid of some of the pieces I have now - like the new kitchen table I am hoping to get for Christmas (if we can find something we like), or the new bedroom suite I hope to have some day. The pieces that these new items will replace hold no sentimental value, and I can't wait to get rid of them!



Is that the difference between our generation and the ones before us? They hold onto all of these pieces of furniture for generations, and we throw out the old and can't wait to buy the new. I guess one reason is that older generations, such as Margie, lived through the depression, and so they remember how lucky they felt when they were able to bring such nice pieces of furniture into their families homes. And a part of me feels guilty for not wanting to accept it all into my home. But, I am just not an "antique" fan. I do not like all of the really contemporary stuff, but I do like something in between.



To top things off, I called my Dad (Margie is his aunt) tonight, and was telling him about my conversation with Margie. Of course he was concerned with how she was doing, and I told him that she sounded frazzled but overall, she was still the funny Margie we all know. I then started to tell him about what she is doing with some of the pieces of furniture she has - giving the dining room table and chairs to her friend's son and daughter-n-law, and the china cabinet and china to her friend Sylvia, whose daughter can't wait to use it as well. How she found someone who could sell all of her Coca-Cola memorabilia on EBay, and how a lot of the other stuff is going to a salvage place that will give it to families who can't afford anything else. I told him how I comforted Margie by saying that it is so wonderful to hear that people who really need and can appreciate her things are getting them. That I wish I could take more, but I just don't have room in my house, and with the distance between us, it is hard to transport it here. Well, this just sent my dad into another one of his guilt trips, where he said he just doesn't know how Margie can be getting rid of all her things, and that he can't stand the thought of my brother and I just throwing away all of his things when he is gone. I told him once again that we will hold onto a few items that hold special memories for us, but that we just can't keep it all. I have to remember I am talking to the man who rearranged his whole house so that he could make room for all of his mother's things when she died. My mom is a wonderful woman to let him, even though in some cases it meant not having room for things from her family. My dad is just very attached to anything having to do with his mother (another story on that topic to come), and just attached to everything in general. My parents had a flood in their basement last year, and when I went to help them clean everything out, we came across my dad's filing cabinet full of high-school papers. High-school papers!!! What does a 60 year old man need with his high-school papers?



So, once again, I can understand wanting to hold onto your memories, and how it must be difficult to down-size, but you just have to learn to know when to let go!